Lifestyles: 10 tips to avoid tipping the scales

By Bruce Watson

Published on November 27, 2009

The High Eating Season is upon us again and much has changed since the last one.

With fear of terrorism waning, food has become our national phobia. A recent study by the Institute of Food Studies revealed that since last High Eating Season, the average American has digested 723 articles about food. A few were low-fat recipes using quinoa or raw vegetables but most were warnings, caveats, alarms and alerts, all with the same message: "Eat fat and die young!"

And still this Eating Season, half of all Americans will stuff themselves like sows at a trough while the other half will simply not eat. And among the non-eaters, far too many will exercise by lecturing the nearest sow:

- "Double Dip Chocolate Cheesecake, eh? Want to know what they put in that?"

- "Does your husband know you're eating that Deep Fried Christmas Cheeseball?"

- "Hey, I just read a study about Pigs in a Blanket. Wooooooooh!"

And so another High Eating Season begins, awash in fear, guilt and gluttony. What's to be done? Well, it's not enough to swoop down on the hors d'oeuvre table and pick out each ingredient with the slightest trace of flavor. Sucking in your gut hasn't worked for years. And don't expect to be invited back if you stand on a chair in the middle of some pork-fried potluck and shout "TRANS FAT!"

Famous food guru Michael Pollan offers simple advice - "Eat food," he writes. "Not too much. Mostly plants." Wise words until you consider that I once saw Pollan at the National Food Fear Symposium chowing down a triple bacon cheeseburger with a side of onion rings and a huge vanilla shake. And he looked so happy, until he spotted his wife.

Common sense and moderation are the keys to surviving another High Eating Season. Try these ten simple tips. Post them on your refrigerator. Read them aloud at parties. And if there's room, have the last three tattooed on your thighs.

1. Never eat anything bigger than a watermelon. And no fair chopping up giant food into small pieces and stuffing yourself with every last piece. What do you say, Fatty Arbuckle's America? Time for a little self-discipline?

2. If you find yourself in a room with something you just can't stop eating - honey roasted cashews, say - etiquette experts say the following is permissible. Pick up the bowl. Carry it into the kitchen. Search out the compost. Dump it in. Don't forget to stir lightly so you won't still be tempted.

3. Never stand too near the bacon-wrapped shrimp. Something terribly unfortunate might occur.

4. Carrot sticks are your friends. You wouldn't dip your friends in Ranch Dressing, would you?

5. When it comes to pie, choose wisely. Apple or pecan? Fat and fatter. Instead, try one of those scrumptious new tofu pies, with wasabi. Or a lip-smacking acorn squash tart with a fluffy quinoa crust! Each has just 72 calories, or none at all if you spit out the first bite and chuck the rest into the nearest potted plant.

6. Going back for seconds? First try stepping on that scale you've put in the kitchen. Hmmmm, so that's where the pork rinds disappeared to.

7. I definitely would NOT spread that Creamy Spinach and Artichoke Dip on that cracker if I were you. I said don't. DON'T, I SAID. Okay, you were warned.

8. Avoid the polite phrase, "Come January, I'm definitely on a diet." Be frank. Instead say, "Jeez, I'm a regular blimp here."

9. Eat less food. Far less than you want after a few drinks. Mostly things that don't contain sour cream.

10. High Eating Season comes but once a year. If you can't take the cheesecake, stay out of the kitchen.