Counting the lies and counting down
By Bruce Watson
Published on February 01, 2008
Comes now another study telling us what we already knew. You know the kind. "Scientists reveal that eating dirt is bad for you!" Or, "This just in. People who stand downwind of toxic waste dumps run a greater risk of disease! Details at 11."
This latest study, revealed last week, was of the same ilk. "The president lied about Iraq." What?!?!?
Although it drew a major "Duh!" from all parts of the country, the study was groundbreaking. Rather than merely stating the obvious, it quantified the obvious. Seems the president lied not once, not twice, not three times. (Not four.) But 935 times!
Back in the '60s, when LBJ created a "Credibility Gap," no one ever measured the gap. Even in the most dispiriting days of Vietnam, no study ever announced, "We have discovered the credibility gap to be 3.5 miles wide and 1,654 feet deep."
935 lies. But what were they? Almost every American can name two - WMD and yellow cake uranium. But what about the other 933? Have a seat. You may be shocked. Even awed.
They started small. In February, 2002, the president claimed Saddam Hussein had given the American ambassador in Baghdad a wedgie. No one seemed alarmed. That Saddam! He was capable of anything. The president realized he had to up the ante.
A week later, he claimed Saddam was holed up inside his royal palace, killing golden retriever puppies. Animal lovers instantly called for an American invasion but the rest of us were skeptical. And so, like the bewildered little boy he often resembles, the president had to spin more lies as cover.
In May 2002 the president claimed Saddam not only had weapons of mass destruction but he also had photos showing Dick Cheney and Colin Powell naked. The president said this with a grim face and, because his popularity was so high after 9/11, millions of American believed him. The march to war had begun.
During the summer of 2002 the march continued. Saddam, we were told, had been seen dancing with Osama bin Laden at a disco in Dubai. "Wait a minute," said the few of us who sensed deception in the air. But again, the popular president carried the day.
By that fall, the president recognized that 51 percent of Americans - that critical mass he needed to govern - would believe anything he said. Anything. The buildup to the war saw a full 702 of the 935 lies. They included:
1. "Saddam is a card-carrying member of the ACLU."
2. "His sons run a telemarketing firm in Basra."
3. "Iraq isn't even a country - it's not in the U.N. or anything!"
4. "American intelligence has detected Iraqi soldiers digging deep into the earth. Their plan is to dig all the way through, creating sinkholes that will swallow New York and most of New Jersey."
5. "We have no quarrel with the Iraqi people but I've heard they have no word for 'evil.' All they can do is grimace and point to pictures of Hillary Clinton."
6. "Satellite photos have shown small children fleeing Iraq. In their pajamas. No one knows why."
7. "American intelligence has learned that Saddam has battle plans to invade Schenectady, New York and perhaps Poughkeepsie."
8. "All men are mortal. Saddam is a man. Therefore Saddam is mortal."
Other than this last one, which can be argued to be true, the rest were boldfaced, calculated lies.
Now you might think Americans would detect a false statement or two in there. But the boys in Lubbock are a trusting bunch. Football season was underway, the economy was improving, and the president seemed like a guy you'd want to have a beer with.
And so the war came. Fool us once, shame on you. Fool us 935 times, well. . .
