Only when all can wed freely: Solidarity with same-sex couples ends nuptials at Grace Church

BY Nick Grabbe
Staff Writer

Published on March 16, 2007

Declaring a "holy fast," Grace Episcopal Church has decided to stop performing all wedding ceremonies because its bishops bar the blessing of same-sex unions.

"We are called to join the fast that our homosexual brothers and sisters in Christ have had to observe all their lives," said the church's rector, the Rev. Robert Hirschfeld, in his sermon Sunday.

The worldwide Anglican Communion, of which the Episcopal Church is a part, has been splitting apart over this issue and the election of a gay bishop. Hirschfeld said he knows of no other Episcopal church that has taken the step of abstaining from all weddings.

"Gays and lesbians are the church, as much, if not more, as I am as a straight white man," he said in his sermon. "But this sacrament, and the grace it is meant to convey, is not available to them."

The reaction of members of the congregation was largely positive at discussions with Hirschfeld after Sunday's two services. Some members expressed concern that the move might be polarizing, while others said they regretted that people who grew up in the church can't get married there.

For some, the news was clearly emotional.

Erica Winter, of Northampton, holding her baby and introducing her wife, said working for social justice often involves giving up something.

"Thank you for seeing me," she said through her tears. "This makes me feel visible and means so much to me."

Nina Scott, of Amherst, was also moved to tears. "I'm so proud to be a part of this," she said. "It's a step that needs to be taken."

The two priest associates at Grace Church, the Rev. Margaret Bullitt-Jonas and the Rev. Burton Whiteside, have also pledged to perform no marriages.

"I am convinced that when gays and lesbians are baptized, they become full members of the body of Christ," said Bullitt-Jonas. "They are not partial members or conditional members or second-class members."

"I was blown away and so proud of your courageous statement of solidarity with our gay friends," said Kate Atkinson, of Amherst.

Some church members reflected on the defiance that Grace Church's move represents.

"The Episcopal Church has to decide whether it'll continue being a colonial church," said Zina Tillona, of Amherst. "Isn't it time this church got its independence from the English church?"

Royster Hedgepeth, of Amherst, said he wondered whether the church needs to separate from the Anglicans. "I'm proud to walk into this wilderness with you," he said to Hirschfeld.

"This is a complicated and painful moment, but it's also a holy moment," said Bullitt-Jonas.

"It's not life as usual anymore," said Hirschfeld.

Leading communion at Sunday's service was the Rev. Ruthanna Hooke, a lesbian visiting her mother, a member of Grace Church. The congregation sang a hymn written almost 500 years ago by the defiant Martin Luther, containing these words: "And though this world with devils filled/Should threaten to undo us/We will not fear for God hath willed/His truth to triumph through us."

Hirschfeld said he was asked at the deathbed of Victoria White, a Northampton lesbian who died recently, if it would be all right to have her funeral at Grace Church. "The question had poignancy for me," he said. "We are here for all people."

Gay and lesbian couples "always feel their relationship is less than holy" when they are denied the right to marry, he said.

"I can no longer hold together my own integrity as a priest who has made vows to minister faithfully the sacraments of the reconciling love of Christ, if indeed to perform such sacrament means deeper, more wrenching, more agonizing tearing of the body of Christ to which I am called support and nourish," Hirschfeld said in his sermon.

He said the church is called to experience "the pain, the longing, and the joy of fellowship" with gays and lesbians.

"I invite us to join in solidarity, no a better word is in communion, with those persons who have been fasting and walking in the desert their whole lives, not by choice, but because the church has forced them to," Hirschfeld said.