I read the Web today, Oh boy...

By Bruce Watson

Published on May 23, 2008

The only difficult part of having a son in love with the Beatles is figuring out whether Paul is dead.

The rumors go back to my high school days. Oh, the fun we had checking out all the clues! That 28IF license plate on the cover of Abbey Road? Of course, it was because Paul would have been 28 IF he had lived! The walrus cover of "Magical Mystery Tour"? Wasn't the Walrus an ancient symbol of death in Liverpool? And then there were all those records to play backwards and those John lyrics that didn't make any sense unless you -

WAIT! Paul is not dead! He's on tour! He's in the news! He's paying alimony! How could anyone -

Herein lies the beauty of the Internet. Sure, the rest of the world may have dismissed the story as a 40-year-old hoax, something that was sort of fun in high school. Sure, all of us oldies thought John was the one who was dead. And later George.

But on the Internet, no one knows you're an adult. And no rumor, no matter how old, ever dies. So if a young boy and his Beatle fanatic friend get wind of the ancient rumor and want to know how it played out... before you can say "Eleanor Rigby," they can find a dozen sites still claiming that Paul is still dead.

At paulisdead.co.uk, more than 350 clues have been amassed. Beyond records spun backwards and that bass guitar in flowers on the Sgt. Pepper cover, a young boy can find clues at every turn. Seems EVERY album cover since 1966, when Paul was killed in a tragic auto accident and a lookalike contest winner took over, has been telling us the same thing.

" That white cover on the White Album? How somber! How mournful!

" And then there are the lyrics "here come ol' flattop," proof that Paul was decapitated in the car crash.

" And the Let It Be cover? Black. How somber! How mournful! But that's not all - Paul is shown against a blood-red background!

All this would be amusing if it were not a little freaky to my son and his friend. And I'll admit that these creative clues had me wondering when I added them to the best clue that Paul died - "Silly Love Songs."

Say what you will about 28IF and the walrus being Paul. It simply is not possible that the musical genius responsible for "Eleanor Rigby" and Sgt. Pepper could be the same guy responsible for the pablum "Paul" pumped out with "Wings." The old Paul had to be dead, didn't he? I decided to look for clues of my own. Here's what I discovered:

" On the cover of "Abbey Road," Paul is not only barefoot - an ancient symbol of death in Pittsburgh - but he's smoking. If a car crash didn't get him, cancer did.

" "Silly Love Songs." Just try listening to it again. Gimme a break.

" I can't remember all the lyrics to "Lovely Rita." Or "When I'm 64." I'm sure I could if Paul were still alive.

" I once saw Paul on "Live with Larry King." And boy, did he look dead. But then, so did Larry King.

" I just discovered that in 1967 the other three Beatles were seen in India carrying an urn of ashes to the Ganges River and throwing it in. I just discovered this because, in true Internet fashion, I just made it up.

" In 1995, "Paul" went to a Beach Boys reunion concert. On the way out, several people overheard him say, "That's what we'd be doin', yuh know, if John and I hadn't kicked."

" Play "Silly Love Songs" backwards. It sound better. It really does.

" If you take all your old vinyl Beatles albums and shove them into your CD player, they smash into pieces. JUST LIKE PAUL DID IN THAT CAR!

So laugh if you will but keep in mind that when it comes to answers, love is no longer all you need. You also need a Web site.